Sucking on her fifth Black Russian, both literally and metaphorically, WPC Fiona McCracken got unsteadily off her knee's, re-positioned herself on the bar stool and waving goodbye to her hunky donor Dimitri, began to narrate how she had ended up shitfaced and knickerless in a Magaluf nightclub.
It all started apparently, when West Midlands Police found they had run out of crimes to solve and/or were not allowed to attend due to crippling Political Correctness which in turn had seen their hands tied. Needless to say, apathy quickly set in with staff morale plunging to even lower depths.
In his wisdom one of the overpaid and brainless West Midlands Police Inspectors came up with the idea off offering his staff a 'special secondment'. Having himself just returned from a three month sojourn in Magaluf, Majorca, said inspector had enjoyed the debauched three months so much, the dose of clap notwithstanding, that he wanted to share it with his officers.
Thus, the 'Ride the Flagpole' secondment raffle was instigated with all monies raised going toward the treatment of any and all sexually transmitted diseases contracted whilst in Magaluf for two weeks on the pretext of assisting the abled bodied Spanish police in controlling the pisshead British troglodytes!
In keeping with raffle guidelines and Health & Safety procedures whilst 'on duty', the six winners would be accommodated all-inclusive in a 4 star Hotel in Magaluf, in return they must wander up and down the seafront in full UK uniform, despite the 30c plus heat, between the hours of, 2pm-10pm. They would be expected to be highly vigilant during their shift in spotting slappers and yobbo's who might be misbehaving in the streets or bars.
Fiona had been one of the lucky winners along with Constable Dick Hunter, the latter more than living up to his name during his off duty hours which, after eight hours of sweating like paedophiles in a day nursery, could not come quick enough.
Like their other colleagues, Fiona and Dick could not hit the showers quick enough come 10pm and were both out 'on the town' until the small hours getting their respective ends away like demons before having a quick dip in the sea at dawn followed by a few hours shut eye.
Both agreed that come 11pm at night the resort really comes to life with Dick raving about the amount of pussy on tap and Fiona blowing more horns than Satchmo throughout his career, they will be sad when the secondment ends as they have made many good friends while in the resort.
Meanwhile, back in rain sodden England West Midlands Police have been criticized for not having sent their officers to Calais, a far nicer and cheaper resort apparently and totally devoid of any anti-social behaviour 24/7.