Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Food, Animals, Russia, Shark

Sunday, 3 December 2006

image for Moonie pastor's shark racket

London - (Associated Mess): Was shark on the menu at the ill-fated Itsu Nuke Bar and Sushi Diner on Halloween night when hapless ex-KGB colonel Alexander Litvinenko had his date with destiny?

That is the question that the Met's crack investigation team is asking amid reports that a pastor of the Reverend Sun Myung Moon's Unification Bowel Movement, 48 year old Kevin Thompson from Jarrow, is one of half a dozen suspects arrested for peddling dodgy leopard sharks.

Thompson based his fishy racket in San Leonardo, California where the Feds recently busted him after complaints from happy-clappy macrobiotic-loving vegans in London that the poor protected species was ending up in lunchtime sandwiches.

When interviewed by the LAPD Thompson said that as a Bowel Movement convert, it was his solemn duty to please his Moonie master, who rejoices inter alia in the supreme title of King of the Ocean.

And shark racketeering seemed an honorable sideline to the day job as a missionary-position salesman for the Movement given that the Reverend is one of the US top fishy business suppliers with a formidable grip on the American catering industry's supply side.

Thompson now faces a lengthy custodial sentence.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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