Written by Jack Bromby
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Saturday, 8 August 2015

image for Teenager threatened to burn Santa Claus' house down and knife his elves because he got him the wrong kind of trainers for Christmas

An 18-year-old British teenager threatened to burn down Santa Claus' home and knife his elves after he gave him the wrong kind of trainers for Christmas.

Jake Wilder travelled to the North Pole armed with a kitchen knife, screaming at Santa 'I'll jab you!' in front of his terrified reindeers' after opening his present from under the tree.

When the teenager said he was going to burn down the house in the North Pole, Santa Claus called the North Pole Police Department, a court heard.

Today, Wilder was deported from the North Pole and banned from re-entering, but not before serving a 21-day jail sentence in the North Pole District Jail for the 'extremely hurtful' attack.

North Pole Criminal Court heard that Wilder, was at home with his family in Oxfordshire, England, for Christmas Day.

But the festivities came to a halt when Wilder opened Santa's present towards the end of the day.

He broke into a rage, booking a last minute flight from Birmingham to the North Pole.

'Once he arrived at Mr Claus' house in the North Pole an argument broke out over some trainers he had given him and there were young reindeers and elves present,' said North Pole district prosecutor Snowball Smith.

'He was aggressive towards Mr Claus and threatened him and his elves with a kitchen knife, saying 'I'll jab you'.

'He also threatened to burn the house down and Santa called the police.'

Sugarplum Wilson, mitigating, told the court that Wilder was genuinely remorseful for his actions towards Mr Claus.

'He has apologised to Mr Claus and his reindeers and elves for the words he used, which must have been extremely hurtful,' he said.

Wilder wore a white snowman jumper and grey tracksuit bottoms and smirked at members of the elf jury during the hearing.

Judge Bushy Evergreen told the teenager: 'You have pleaded guilty to a serious offence.

'The use of a knife in a domestic setting makes this a very serious incident and the fact that young reindeers and elves were present to witness it makes it worse.'

Wilder was sentenced to 21 days in the district prison, and ordered to pay $500 compensation to Mr Claus.

He was also made the subject of a restraining order banning him from contacting Mr Claus and given a deportation order and banned from re-entering the North Pole Autonomous Region.

A spokesman for Santa Claus' workshop confirmed that Wilder was now on the naughty list and would be receiving coal in his stocking next Christmas.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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