Written by StevenPoland89
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Topics: NHS, UKIP, immigrant

Wednesday, 22 July 2015

A 30 year old Polish man has been arrested for coming over to Britain and stealing a 37 year old British man's job.

The Polish man, who is yet to be named, had been in the role of stacking shelves in a warehouse for approximately eight years before Britain's Jon Woods knew he had stolen the job. The reported incident comes 15 years after Woods began claiming benefits for his lazy eye and two kids, which gradually grew to a lazy torso and eight kids.

"It's supposed to be British jobs for British people," exclaimed a clearly exhausted Mr Woods who had obviously had enough of searching all over his kitchen for a job, "how am I supposed to fulfil my 16 hours a week agreement with the JSA if all these bloody illegal immigrants are over here and are working 50 hours a week in one job, that's three peoples' jobs he's taken there."

Secretary of Health Jeremy Hunt has waded into the affair for some reason and made his views clear on the issue: "These people aren't even working most bank holidays, it's atrocious."

The government is due to congregate and talk on the matter and it is thought that they will export the Polish man back to where he came from in the hope that it will send a clear message to his compatriots:

"Don't even think about bettering our work ethic and productivity."

Clearly not racist or xenophobic political party UKIP have praised Mr Woods for standing up for what he believes in, even if it was only for four seconds before he had to sit back down again.

Reports say that Mr Woods will not be looking to take on the job role himself as he's "far too good to be stacking shelves in a sh*tty warehouse" but he is glad he "opened the door for others to be stuck in the '70s."

The Polish man was not available for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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