London - (Associated Mess): The COBRA intelligence committee has met once again in Downing Street amid growing security fears voiced by the Joint Chiefs of Staff after the unexpected discovery of a 70,000-year-old stone carving of a python's head in the Kalahari desert.
COBRA - the government acronym for Cabinet Office Bugging Room 'A' - later issued a press statement describing the artefact as tall as a man and 20 feet long: "It looked like a really venomous creature", said an aide, "and displayed all the appearance of snake skin.
"We had to act because MI6 advised that at night, it seemed so realistic it gave one the feeling that the snake was actually moving".
But what really gave the Joint Chiefs the jitters was a detailed analysis of the find by the UK's Unnatural History Museum, backed up by experts from the National Poisons Unit:
"You could see the mouth and eyes of the snake and it looked like a dead ringer for Heather Mills.
"70,000 years on we now know what the ancients of the Kalahari desert knew:
"This pythonesque creature is no laughing matter."