Written by ExiledRoyal
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Topics: Sport, Tampons, Periods

Tuesday, 26 May 2015

image for If men had periods
Those dreaded five days ...

According to recent research, if men had periods they would brag about them on Facebook, Sports Commentators would incorporate menstrual impact on a Footballer's performance, and bookmakers would factor a player's menstrual cycle into their betting odds.

Medical Research company, On Blob, also surmised that Tampon, or Manpon, adverts would be fronted by male celebrities.

Terry Gusher, On Blob CEO, told us, "We already have evidence that celebrities are queueing up to offer their services. Both Williams brothers from the world of Tennis have been first to come forward."

Many cultures around the world have their own set of myths about periods. In Nigeria, it is believed that the touch of a menstruating woman will cause milk to curdle, plants to die and a mirror to lose its brightness.

Terry Gusher laughs this off. "Clearly that's not the case. Men know this. They also know that the reason most women get periods is because they deserve them. Men would clearly be exempt on those grounds alone," he joked. "They also wouldn't be susceptible to shark attacks at their local swimming pool."

Pfeizer have added to the discussion, claiming to have developed a way of 'masking period pain'. Pfeizer representative Willy Knotnot said, "Yes, a real breakthrough. Earplugs for men. They won't hear shit for those five worst days."

#manpax_for_me is currently trending on Twitter.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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