Heather Mills McCartney, estranged wife of former Beatle Sir Paul McCartney, was recovering in hospital last night after having her remaining limbs removed.
In a daring move to regain public sympathy after her accrimonious split with pop legend McCartney, the animal rights activist and former trollop told an American interviewer, " I would rather have my limbs cut off than have the British public despise me."
On her return to Britain she discovered that the British public agreed and she was forcibly detained at Heathrow before being frogmarched to St Guys in London where her remaining limbs were lopped off with a rusty chainsaw.
Sir Reginald Bumworthy who performed the triple amputation said last night, "Lady McCartney is as well as can be expected after what must have been a very traumatic experience. She put up quite a fight I can tell you."
Lady McCartney won the nations hearts when she pluckily lost her leg in a motorcycle accident and then shacked up with Beatles legend Sir Paul.
She lost many fans however when it was discovered that she was nothing but a one legged strumpet with a bad attitude.
At his Peasmarsh hideaway, Sir Paul was quoted as saying, "It's very sad that it should have come to this." before descending into a fit of giggles and running off to count his money.