Written by Duff
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Topics: Crime, Art

Wednesday, 29 November 2006

image for Down On His Luck Binman's Fortunes Transformed
The Four Horseshoes, Stoke - Famed for its art dealers and coke addicts

In an amazing turnaround in fortunes former binman, Wayne Lowlife, is getting used to the high life.

Wayne who until last Saturday didn't have a 'pot to piss in' is now loaded with lots of lovely lolly and he's loving every second of it.

The Spoof asked him how his luck changed and to what he owed it to. A smiling Wayne told us:

"Well I'd cased the joint for a few weeks. You know the sort of thing? Seeing who went in and out and what there was going on there and that.

"Then Saturday night I went round the back, there were no lights on, so I put a window in and opened the door. First thing I see was a couple of paintings like, so I bunged 'em in me sack and legged it pronto. The bells was ringing so that's all I had time for"

A totally astounded Wayne then told how the pictures turned out to be "by some geezer called Picasso" and how 'Lenny the Fence' gave him £15,000,000 for them down the snug of the Four Horseshoes in Stoke Newington.

"I was delighted" laughed Wayne. "It means I can do whatever I like now. This is the first decent Christmas we're gonna have in a long time"

The loveable rogue then seemed to disappear into his own thoughts for a moment before telling our reporter in a menacing voice:

"Say nuffink 'bout this caper right? Else I'll have to find you and give you a right good slap!"

We assured Wayne that The Spoof would never reveal its sources, and that his anonymity was assured, to which the cheeky felon replied:

"Sweet! That's all right then"

Well done Wayne for getting out of your rut and making something of yourself! You're an example to us all.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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