Written by LEDHEAD
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Thursday, 9 April 2015

image for Scottish Labour Leader Jim Murphy's head size preventing him from leading normal life
Jim Murphy attempting to cover up head size before opening up.

Jim Murphy, leader of the Scottish Labour Party, has admitted struggling with enlarged head syndrome which kicked in as a teenager and worsened as he got older. Jim's head accounts for 30% of his entire body weight and that it's becoming harder to stop himself from toppling over.

Although there is no link to brain deficiency or mental impairment, friends say that his problem is causing him real problems. He has been unable to drive his car due to his head resting on the steering wheel. If patted on the back, he can be forced to dive forwards. He is unable to find any kind of hat or helmet that supports his head size. He cannot look through a port hole in a ship. He is being forced to spend thousands on adapted spectacles. He has been unable to use a life ring when swimming. His life is in danger during high winds. He cannot wear a crew neck jumper. He is a walking target for snipers and snow-ballers alike.

Jim just says you've got to get on with it. He does admit missing snowboarding, skiing and skateboarding. What Jim really wants people to know is that he is passionately lobbying parliament to allow bevy back into Scottish football stadiums where religious bigotry and violence are a thing of the past.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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