Edinburgh's notorious Park Patrol have just finished their collaboration with the UK' s crack force the SAS. Park crime in Edinburgh has increased ten fold and Chief City Ranger, Ian Smee, is determined to take control of Edinburgh' s inner city green areas.
Mr Smee, dressed in black assault outfit and balaclava, explained to us that their a number of areas they'd like to crack down on in Edinburgh's garden spaces. ' People taking shortcuts on foot over flower areas is driving us mad and is costing the council a small fortune. Then there is the fouling of kiddies play areas by dogs and owners who don't give a dam. Then there's all those crisp packets and burger wrappings left strewn all over the show. However, the most horrid singular act my elite force have to deal with is illegal camping', said Smee. 'Unacceptable'.
Urban camping is a new fashionable past time practiced by Edinburgh students and involves them pitching up their tents in as ludicrous an area they can find. In one weekend last month a crowd of drunken students nailed three tents up on the Sheriffhall Roundabout and lit a fire. Prince's Street Garden's had their fill too with the erection of a small marquee, gazebo and two wigwams. But the silliest episode of all, was the pitching of a tent on a vertical precipice at Arthur's Seat which took the lives of two students high on drugs.
The Park Patrol look to be in action this weekend after a tip-off from porter Arthur Small from Heriot Watt University. It has been discovered that a small group of militant students intend to erect twenty or so tents and refreshment area at the Edinburgh Meadows. A complicated piece of military planning which involves Patrol Rangers hiding behind bushes and pouncing on revellers looks to be the current strategy.