Security was tightened at Stormont buildings in Belfast after a convicted terrorist was apprehended by two security guards.
The man made his way into the building armed with a knife, a garrotte, a replica firearm and eight pipe bombs in an apparent suicide attack on the Northern Ireland Assembly.
Police Chiefs were furious at the breach and called for an immediate review of the Stormont security policy. However, in a statement, head of security, Bob Fleming revealed:
'It's just not feasable. Most of the people in the Assembly ARE terrorists and generally armed to the teeth when they come in here.It's hard to know which are democratically elected terrorists and which are ordinary terrorists released under the Good Friday Agreement Recently one of my officers tried to remove a 9mm pistol from the ex Education Minister Mr Maguinness and he was told, in no uncertain terms, that if he did he would be leaving in a box!'
Certainly there seems to be no solution in sight for the beleaguered security officers. As one source pointed out, 'We're forever tripping over pipe bombs and home made rockets that the Northern Ireland MPs have left behind them. It's getting so we're all having to run about in Kevlar underpants.'
East Down MP Damian 'Shifty' O'hooligan, in a statement for Sinn Fein yesterday said, "Them Protestant bastards wants locked up, so they do!"
While in a separate announcement, the DUP leader 'Big' Ian Paisley said, "Them Fenians is just dirt."