Today The Spoof can reveal that thanks to loony lefties The Olympic Games are getting a makeover when they come to London in 2012.
The Department of Political Correctness will oversee the games and sees this as an opportunity to implement the same strategy as it has done in our schools across the land over recent years.
A spokesperson, quite possibly the 'chair' of this group of nutters told The Spoof in a statement.
"All competition will be limited to no more than three competitors in each event. This will ensure that everybody competing will win a medal; whether it is gold, silver or bronze will be immaterial.
Because all medals will be re-branded as platinum and will be awarded for taking part irrespective of the actual finishing position achieved in the event. It will be the taking part that will count and not the wining.
Events with multiple finalists will be run in groups of no more than three; so inevitably, there will be multiple medal winners in each event.
Athletes who couldn't be bothered to train to get into condition will be separated from the fit ones and will be able to hold their own events with like-minded lazy sods. Extra bloaty ones or those who produce a sick-note from their mum will get a medal anyway for just sitting on a bench by the side of the track.
Medals awarded in these special sections will hold the exact same importance as those competed for and won by fully fit athletes.
It is hoped that a games held in this spirit will have no losers and will consequently make all competitors feel good about themselves and their fellow competitors.
Competition is such a divisive process and it is our intention to award all athletes in equal measure. We intend to make London 2012 an event that nobody will forget, and more importantly, an event where nobody will have their feelings hurt in any way"
The Spoof Says:
Let's all phone our MPs and stop this namby-pamby nonsense before we end up the laughing stock of the world. Keep the games competitive we say!