Written by Paxton Quigley
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Friday, 6 February 2015

image for ISIS to Sue Boris Johnson over "Wankers" Jibe
No wanking, just buggery

Boris Johnson has peered into the secret findings of MI5's best brains and concluded that ISIS members are porn-watching, sexually frustrated, psychologically maladjusted males. In a recent interview in the Sun according to the London mayor, they are "literally wankers", alienated losers who spend their time surfing the internet for sexual stimulation. This has led to a threat from ISIS to sue for defamation.

ISIS's London solicitors Farquharson, Bummer & Co issued a statement on behalf of their clients:

"The Mayor of London should know better as an Old Etonian. He is well aware that ISIS, the Independent Schools Information Service, in no way encourages the use of pornography and masturbation. It is a well-known fact that the institutions which we represent are devoted to flagellation and buggery and that this allows pupils to become well adjusted normal adults, for example Prince Charles, Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne and..erm..Prince Edward."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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