Written by Duff
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Topics: Crime

Sunday, 26 November 2006

image for Ray of Light in Fight Against Crime

Plucky 'have a go hero' Archibald Crumhorn was today the toast of his home village of Gasper on Stour.

Pensioner Archie was out collecting his pension at the local post office and Spar when all of a sudden he was caught up in a 'blagging' or robbery.

Postmistress Doris Spume tells what happened next:

"These two wrong'uns came into the shop and told me to stick the money into their bag and nobody'll get hurt. So I started doing what they told me" said Doris speaking from her home.

"Then I heard Archie saying to the two of them: Beat it you two or else I'll make you! They just laughed at him and told him to piss off you old git".

But the laugh was on the villains for little did they know that Archi had just invented the world's first functioning death-ray gun in his inventing shed at the bottom of his garden.

"Well next thing he fired it at them and they were vaporised in seconds. All that was left were two small stains on the floor where they had been" laughed Doris.

Unfortunately due to a design fault in the gun Archi was also vaporised, but that didn't stop villagers having a barbecue in honour of the deceased hero.

"We had a fantastic night and Archie would have loved it" said Doris.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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