Word is reaching the Spoof today about a vicious turf-war that's being fought out in London's East End gangster-ridden heartland.
Mack 'the hat' Jacobs is locked in a bitter struggle with arch rival 'Sad' Frankie Taylor. Sad, so-called because he has recently been diagnosed with having the debilitating condition, seasonally affective disorder, told The Spoof:
"If Mack, the 'at don't back off then I'll swing for 'im. He knows he's moving in on our operation and we want him out of it" said the likeable ex-thug with a glint and a twinkle in his eye.
The Spoof understands the bitter dispute centres round which of the 'firms' is going to lay the turf at no. 24 Mafeking Road, now that all the preparation has been done.
The property owner Mr Titchmarsh told our reporter:
"I seem to have become a pawn in a power-struggle, when all I really wanted was my turf laying"
We'll keep our eye on how things develop over the next week and let you all know how it turns out.