Written by Herrdoktorfox
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Topics: Police, Christmas

Sunday, 21 December 2014

image for The Dirty half Dozen
Wanted: Dead or Alive for being old!

The Metropolitan Police reveal their 6 most wanted criminals this Christmas including an 88 year man, Norman Todger, 'who attacked an elderly neighbour with a worn out rampant rabbit after finding him in bed shagging his wife,Ethel aged 90'!

Crimestoppers website shows six people sought for various heinous crimes including Bert Smothers' a 91 year old disabled WW2 veteran who repeatedly parks his mobility scooter in the 'child bay' at his local Camden Tesco store.

Images of 6 of London's most wanted individuals have been released by the Metropolitan Police Service (MPS) as it intensifies its crackdown on the Capital's most evasive suspects this Christmas.

The photos, which apart from Bert, show two geriatric spinster sisters, Ada and Gladys Groins of Wembley, wanted on charges of blatant racialism having knitted copious amounts a black golly dolls to raise money at their local Church restoration fete, have been uploaded to the Crimestoppers website in a public appeal for help.

The six most wanted also includes Rodney Smythe-Horrocks, 78, wanted by Ealing for not separating his household rubbish into assorted wheelie bins and Greenwich Grandmother of 12, Hermione Rickets age 87, who was seen allowing her youngest granddaughter, Flavia 22, to drop her sweet wrapper on the pavement outside Waitrose!

The TSG teams - which specialise in intelligence-led operations, have successfully arrested hundreds of hard-to-find offending pensioners, including 30 since November who were caught singing Land of Hope and Glory while hoisting a Union Jack flag at their local Royal British Legion in respect to fallen comrades.

Latest figures show that between June 17th and December 8th over 568 'offending pensioners' were arrested for various minor 'offences' such as patriotism and for not being politically correct.

Commander Simon 'birdie' Purdy, of Territorial Policing at the MPS said; "We are stepping up our activity to locate and arrest outstanding wanted suspects as part of our ongoing response to tacking real crime in the Capital. We will not give up in the search to hunt down and find, mainly elderly people who float political correctness laws and we will use every means available to catch them and intimidate them until they break or die! The use of fugitive teams and other daily operations will continue to ensure those wanted for these heinous crimes are caught, so they can face justice.!"

As a result of this Government backed intiative all Police leave and extended tea breaks will be cancelled until at least March, or later if the persistant cold weather does not decimate enough pensioners first.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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