Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 16 December 2014

image for NHS to be funded by car-parking fees
Car parking could double in price

In a bid to reduce the overhead on the budget that is the NHS, the Conservatives have outlined a plan to decrease their spending on this national institution.

"Basically," said George Osborne, "we're going to raise the money by increasing parking charges at the hospitals."

Currently, hospital parking is charged for, with all the money collecting going to George Osborne's Car Parking company. By doubling the charges, he can continue to get the same revenue, but with the excess being diverted into NHS coffers.

"What I've found," said Osborne, "is that the car parks are earning me about fifty million quid a year. I realise that the current budget for the NHS is fifty billion, but if we can raise one percent of that from car parking charges in the first year, then with a few cuts here and there, we can keep the NHS going."

Future plans include doubling the car park charge each year for the next ten years, which should generate a surplus in the NHS budget.

"This seems like a good idea to me," said Osborne. "But then so did putting a tax on bananas, until it was pointed out that chimps earn peanuts."

Users of hospital car parks are less than impressed.

"It already costs me ten quid a day," said Matilda Tilde, who has been visiting her long term care sister, Hilda, for the past three years. "Doubling it could result in me visiting every other day instead."

The suggestion from Ed Balls, Shadow Chancellor, is that instead of keeping half the money and doubling the price, Osborne should plough existing money raised into the NHS and keep the parking charges the same.

"That's a terrible idea," said Osborne. "I wouldn't make any money that way, and I'm a Tory, it's in my job description to rob the needy blind."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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