Written by Auntie Jean
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Tuesday, 2 December 2014

image for Major Stores Reach Agreement On Cathedral And Church Use
Huge Christmas Decorations?

Several well known stores with high profile T.V. Christmas advertisements have reached agreement with bishops in the U.K. to utilise the huge amounts of prime City Centre Cathedral and Church interior and exterior space. Worshippers will be able to combine Christmas shopping with carol singing and some vicars have agreed to run wine bars on the premises.

After exit surveys at leading Cathedrals it was found that most people would respond positively to the establishment of realistic and tasteful retail outlets in churches. The Cathedrals are thought to be negotiating sponsorship deals to re-name Churches etc. with names such as Bollynger Cathedral or Bernice Mathews Turkey Synagogue. Amazun has reportedly been negotiating deals to use ecclesiastical premises as order pick up points.

The new deals, if successful, should double congregation sizes overnight and pay for leaky rooves. Respect within the buildings will continue to be insisted upon with store assistants banned from wearing similar clothes to vicars and bishops.
Some famous minsters will carry huge Santa decorations or Christmas trees on their spires with flashing angels on the trees.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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