The Isle of Wight has fallen foul of E.U. regulations by being above the mandatory 65 mile maximum length for a British Isle. The Isle, famous for its Rock Festivals and sequence dancing has steadfastly refused to lop 2 miles from its length, even though this will mean that from Monday it will become a Hebridean Isle, effectively part of Scotland. Knitting old fashioned woolly jumpers would then become its only permitted source of income.
"The only place we could lop a couple of miles from has the Island's major tourist attraction on it" a spokesperson said this morning. "The dominoes and whist drive hall was only built in 2012 and we are certainly not going to bulldoze that".