Written by Jaggy Nettles
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Topics: Penis, Flying, testicles, RAF, knob

Thursday, 13 November 2014

RAF Lossiemouth confirmed to the The Daily Nettle today, that one of their most daring pilots, Flight Lootenant Wing Commander Flight Captain Viceroy Gordon 'Goose' Maverick, has been carpeted by station big-wigs for the second time in a week, after members of the public spotted a big pair of comedy testicles in the vapour trail of a passing fighter jet over the skies of Lossiemouth. Flight Lootenant Group Captain Wing Ensign Maverick was in the news last week after drawing an enormous cock with the vapour trail of his jet.

Top Gun top brass, Group Brigadier Don 'Down-diddly-Down' Downs, reacted angrily however to suggestions that Lt Maverick had deliberately drawn funny bollocks for a dare, ..." Utter nonsense...each top gun is selected very carefully for maturity and temperament...they are then rigorously trained and re-trained, at a cost of over six million dollars sterling, to be the best...they would never be so unprofessional to put the lives of their co-pilot, the base and the civilians of Lossiemouth at risk just for a dare.....a 'double dare' maybe...but NEVER for just a dare on it's own".

Police Scotland received a number of complaints from concerned members of the public with a warning being issued to the base that it was in fact illegal 'to draw cocks, knobs, willies, plumbs, gonads, sweaty balls, or any other such rude bits, in the sky with a big fuck-off jet'... "so they're be no more of that malarkey".

Local resident Prue Desh told the Moray Neep yesterday..."I'm awfully worried, I can tell you...I'm damn sure Lt Maverick wouldn't like some awful pair of comedy testicles to be flying about, willy-nilly over the top of his house...and I don't want to have my 3 year old son Rupert in my arms on Christmas Eve, looking skyward and crying..'Me want Santa..not giant sky-sized, big sweaty balls" !

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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