Written by Auntie Jean
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Friday, 17 October 2014

image for Government Approves Adding Chemicals to Scottish Water Supplies
Sperm reducing chemicals

The systematic addition of chemicals to Scottish water supplies is to resume to keep rebellion levels down. Additional chemical dosing will continue in keeping with pre-referendum Westminster policy, effectively maintaining a docile disposition in the male population, after the temporary suspension of water dosing during the referendum period.

Scots dipping will also restart to reduce parasitic infections in bagpipes and Scots Mange in Highland roadside pipers. Sodium Fluoride will continue to be added to drinking water to reduce tooth decay in Glasgow Municipal Park tramps, counteracting detrimental soft water conditions and Thorazine will be incorporated in the chemical dosing of reservoirs to attenuate over excitement and consequent future referendum demands. The controversial addition of lithium ferrocyanide to household water supplies will resume, ensuring the population continue to have distinctive red hair and beards.

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