Written by jayelise
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Thursday, 16 October 2014

image for Andy Murray Crowns Himself New SNP Leader
andy murray

Still riding high off the aftermath of his #indyref tweet, Andy Murray has voted himself in as the new SNP leader, despite having left Scotland nearly a decade ago.

With the old leader Alex Salmond mysteriously missing from the party, speculation is rife regarding the future leadership of the SNP.

Concerns have arisen that Alex, who is known for wandering off without supervision, may have headed south with large amounts of the Scottish pound. It is feared that his purpose is to embarrass ordinary English people who just want to buy a NUTS magazine and some dairy milk in Tesco without the humiliation of handing the cashier some paper that may or may not be real money.

SNP Spokesperson Dave MacDougal says:

"No one's quite sure where Alex has gone, or why Andy is now in his office hitting our PAs with tennis balls yelling 'ACE', but Alex told us never to question the leader, so we're going with it." When asked about Murray's location in southern England, MacDougal said Murray had no problem with plans to extend Scotland down to the south coast of the UK; a plan that is one of the new priorities of the SNP

The tennis star, who won the leadership with a vote of one, has more big changes planned for Scotland.

"We have lost the referendum this year, and I'm disappointed in our performance. Hopefully, with my new coach and continued work on my game, we're in with a real chance next year" he said to The Herald.

Public opinion polls on the Scot's new role suggest all believe Judy Murray's dancing has pushed Murray over the edge.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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