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Tuesday, 2 September 2014

image for New Shakespeare Maths For Schools
New Programme for Schools

The Government is introducing a new programme for schools, starting this week.

A mix up somewhere in the Ministry of Education has led to the ideas for Maths and Literature being confused. Former Minister of Education, Michael Guv, explained that his idea of teaching fractions and Shakespeare at schools had been amalgamated into a new course which 'provided exciting opportunities' for teachers to introduce the British values of 'total cock up and mega-shambles'.

The new curriculum has as a course the mathematical study of Shakespeare's plays One and Half Gentlemen of Verona, Henry the Fifth and Three Quarters and a special study of the Two and a Quarter Witches in Macbeth.

Joe Wilson, veteran teacher at Basham Comprehensive, complained that children might get the idea that it was fair game to carve up witches and they might find the idea of half a Gentleman confusing. He felt the idea was 'Half baked'.

David Cameron, however, assured everyone that 'All's Well That Ends Well' and that should children learn a fraction of the lines from Shakespeare they could go on to spread British culture throughout the world.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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