Written by Backandtotheleft
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Sunday, 31 August 2014

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Nick Clegg? No of course it's not it's a ostrich. Idiot

Nick Clegg's party (which would be finished by nine and the only music played would be Ed Sheeran songs) the Liberal Democrats have begun a pre-election panic. After realising that their in danger of getting less votes than a mime act on the X-Factor they've decided to "policy bomb" the voters. In the age of terrorism this probably isn't the best choice of words.

Between now and the May 7th election they intend to make 240 pledges to the voters. Of which they'll break 250 if they get into power. Yes we know the figures don't add up but nothing does in British politics.
Back and to the Left news has managed to get hold of a draft version of the some of the pledges, the first hundred make sense. The rest seem to have been made up disgruntled, bearded writers with a agenda against the party that crushed their view of British politics. Yet we promise this is totally legit.

Here are some of the best

Pledge 144: We shall build a public toilet on every street corner.

Pledge 148: Dogging will be made legal for beautiful people. But the death penalty will be enforced for ugly doggers.

Pledge 168: Monkeys made mandatory for schoolchildren!

Pledge 200: All bricks will have faces painted on them as part of the "urban smile" scheme.

Pledge 240: Please, please, please vote for us. We don't even think our own MP's will vote for themselves, hell Nick Cleggs mam won't vote for us!

We are looking forward to seeing the finished list of pledges and then in turn watching the Liberal Democrats getting blasted out of politics come the election

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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