Written by victoria
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Topics: Weather, business

Monday, 24 November 2003

The giant cheque business is allegedly about to go bust. With the two main events of the year which see a dramatic climb in sales now over with the industry is going to have to weather the storm.

Comic Relief (a.k.a. Red Nose Day), arguably the funniest day of the year, and Children in Need are the main causes for such a businesses existence. Peter Walker, CEO of the leading giant cheque manufacturer had this to say, "The giant cheque is often seen as the normal, pocket sized cheques' poorer cousin, people often say to me that it's not even a real cheque"

"Well it's not a real cheque is it?" I said.

"It is real" Peter insisted.

"Not really" I persevered.

"It is a real cheque! It is a real cheque when you see Terry Wogan trying to force one into his tiny red bucket on children in need night!" A worthy point well made I felt.

Although the factories become extremely busy on the lead up to red nose day and that other one, the rest of the year is spent doing nothing. Workers can often be found idling their time away by making giant cardboard cheque aeroplanes. One worker chanted, "That's all well and good for the first couple of months, but then it just becomes another day making giant cardboard cheque aeroplanes and racing them at the office. When I first came to this job, I thought I'd feel satisfaction knowing the cheques I made would be awarded to needy people, instead I fly them around the office into the heads of my colleagues."

When asked why doesn't he just make proper paper products, Peter Walker said "making giant cardboard cheques isn't a job, it's a calling." In this reporter's opinion, this guy's ready for the loony bin.

I think the point is that you should always give your money to charity and wherever possible giant cheques should replace normal cheques, we need bigger trouser pockets Britain, we very much need bigger trouser pockets.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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