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Monday, 18 August 2014

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Officials have today confirmed the existence of an alien race.

Lionel Bun, an overweight 67 year old single man from Suffolk, said that he had made contact with the Aliens of Semus 12 (a planet just outside our solar system)and even spoken with their king GAN-X56.

He told us the ruler of Semus 12 had first made contact with the unemployed roofer using a form of telekinesis after he had a panic attack in a public toilet.

He continued "Since having to move to the 'Pewit'caravan park Felixstowe, I've become spiritually aware that someone from another planet was trying to talk to me. The panic attack in the toilet cubical was the catalyst that first triggered our communications"

Lionel went on to say that, after a messy divorce and a mental breakdown in 2012, his time at 'Margret Jeffery's' psychiatric unit in Leeds had helped him 'unlock his mind in ways a normal human could only dream of.'

He explained "GAN-X56 is an all loving alien who despises material belongings. He wants to help Earth in the future development of our planet"

Our reporter was lucky enough to book a meeting with GAN-X56 but because of the distance between our planets, GAN-X56 could only communicate through Lionel's thought patterns. Each 'Interplanetary Information Summit' could only be transmitted after a £50 donation was made. Then Lionel closed his eyes and croaked "GAN-X56 says its only fair to pay Lionel...as we are using his body"

Unfortunately Lionel cut the chat short when Pewit caravan park site manager, Eddie Stein, ejected our reporter from the caravan.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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