Liverpool, A homeless man forced to dig for a better way of life struck oil yesterday. Joe Murphy (50) originally from Bootle but homeless for the last 5 years due to devastating Tory cuts in welfare and unemployment assistance will now receive round the clock military protection and food drops from the EU, Nato and the US government.
Speaking in the commons Cameron said ;" We and our allies are doing everything we can to extricate Joe from the extremely dangerous situation he is in. He is surrounded by extremely hostile Liverpool terrorists, without any social welfare safety net and I am begging that the Big Society now focus all its attention on Mr Murphy's human rights and our attempts to secure his oil, eh.. i mean his safety." Tony Blair has stated that sanctions should be enforced by the Tories against Liverpool (again) if it fails to provide immediate access to international weapons inspectors who believe the city council is sitting on a stockpile of chemical weapons.
The government plans to host a joint UK-US Arm Twisting summit next week in London to frogmarch public opinion to the defence of Joe Murphy via moral blackmail. Philip Hammond: "This is much worse than defenceless Palestinian children getting indiscriminately bombed. This is potential genocide against an extremely lucrative and economically strategic individual."