Written by CaptainSausage

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Topics: Food, Banana, dangerous

Saturday, 9 August 2014

image for Bananas: from superfood to deadly killer
Bananas - not so appealing now

Bananas - once hailed as a wonderfood which could cure anything from hunger to diabetes, have been criticised for being one of the most deadly products in the world. That is according to new research by Professor Eric Mousa of the University of Oxbridge.

He said, "Bananas kill more people worldwide than coconuts and mangoes combined. They should be banned."

According to research by the university, most banana-related deaths happen due to somebody slipping on a discarded skin. However, Professor Mousa points out that that is not the only danger. Last year a French man suffocated to death while eating a banana, and he was not the first to do so.

So can we ever trust the humble banana again, or should we ban it outright? Professor Mousa thinks a complete ban is the only way to prevent any more deaths.

But he doesn't stop there. Once bananas are outlawed, he would also like to abolish apples, grapes and even water, amongst other things.

He warned, "Water is one of the most deadly substances in the universe. One should drink a bathful a day, but be careful not to drown. Too much water can be deadly, but so can not enough."

He explained why water is so dangerous. "It is made up of hydrogen - one of the most flammable and toxic elements in the world - and oxygen, which is also very flammable and can be deadly in high doses, or even in low doses. We are literally surrounded by death traps, and until we legislate to prevent every single one, I fear that people will continue to die."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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