East Sussex, UK - A 144-year-old Grade II-listed Peer of the Realm who got fried to bits may have been a sacrificial lamb kebab-gone-wrong investigators said today.
M'Noble Lewd Eastbourne, GBH and Bar, burst into flames at a seaside attraction after complaining of flaming loin syndrome close to his crotch.
Police are treating the blaze as suspicious because lots of barbecue lighter fuel was found nearby.
This morning local media reported firemen had fought most of last night to tackle the inferno following a tipoff that Lord Eastbourne's pants had suddenly gone up in flames.
Today all that remains of the roasted beast is a pair of charred Y-Fronts, size X-tra Large, and a spent bottle of Hot Stuff penis erection pills.
All proceeds to the Salvation Army.