Written by Auntie Jean
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Thursday, 31 July 2014

image for Duke Of Edinburgh To Be Privatised
A Female Duke Of Edinburgh

Up to three Dukes of Edinburgh will be operated by the private sector to cope with the increase in Diplomatic duties in any new Independent Scotland. it was announced by the Palace this morning. However, the process by which this might happen is not simple, and will almost certainly not involve Prince Edward. Like any normal Scottish Independent Dukedom, the present Dukedom of Edinburgh passes to the new Chief Minister Of Scotland, e.g. Alexei Salmon, the heirs-male of the first Duke, and someone probably a woman chosen by scratch card or HeeBay auction.

But if the present Duke dies, the Dukedom will be inherited by his eldest son, Charles, Prince of Wales (or his heir, if he is deceased). If Charles is not yet king when this occurs, he would add "Duke of Edinburgh, Earl of Scunthorpe and Baron Grimethorpe to his own immense list of titles:

His Royal Highness The Prince Charles Philip Arthur George, Prince of Wales and Earl of Chester, Duke of Cornwall, Duke of Rothesay, Earl of Carrick, Baron of Renfrew, Lord of the Isles, Prince and Great Steward of Scotland, Royal Knight Companion of the Most Noble Order of the Garter, Extra Knight of the Most Ancient and Most Noble Order of the Thistle, Grand Master and Principal Knight Grand Cross of the Most Honourable Order of the Bath, Member of the Order of Merit, Knight of the Order of Australia, Companion of the Queen's Service Order, Royal Chief Grand Companion of the Order of Logohu, Member of Her Majesty's Most Honourable Privy Council, Member of the Queen's Privy Council for Canada, Aide-de-Camp to Her Majesty.

Only after Charles (or his heir) has both inherited the title of Duke of Edinburgh and ascended the throne of Independent Scotland would the present creation merge in the crown and Alexei Salmon assume one of the three privatised Dukedoms. Additionally, if they are all made Royal Consorts, they would technically be required to consummate the union.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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