Written by Auntie Jean
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Tuesday, 29 July 2014

image for Ancient Peat Bog Man Mistaken For Rock Band Guitarist Keifer Richardo
Scary Peat Bog Body

Following Monday's sell out Strolling Bones Concert, the police were called to an old peat bog near the Rock Venue. At first, due to the proximity of the site to Ireland's premier Venue, It was thought that Inebriated Concert Band members had fallen into the bog.

Experts say that the remains of Rolingstone Man are extremely well preserved for his age. Radiocarbon dating suggests that he is the earliest bog body with intact skin known anywhere in the world. He is from the early Bronze Age in Ireland about 4,000 years ago. But in Ireland, with its flat central, peaty plain, they have been particularly plentiful.

In the past 15 years, there have been two other significant finds resembling ageing Rock Stars, in varying states of decay. Both KeefRicard Man and Old ClifRicard Man, who were discovered in 2013, fell in the bog while drunk but the preservative powers of the bog have allowed science to piece together their stories.

"The bog is an amazing place as it is near A major Rock Concert venue," said Iva Biggun, who co-ordinates the bog bodies research project at the museum. "It is basically an anaerobic environment and the oxygen that bacteria feed off is not present, and therefore decomposition does not occur.

"The preservation though is complicated, involving several factors including Sphagnum moss, which helps extract calcium from the bones of buried bodies. While the preservation offered by the bog gives scientists huge amounts on information on the diet, living conditions, background and lifestyle of the bodies, ot is difficult to tell them from live ageing Rock Stars.

The Iron Age bodies of KeefRicard Man and Old ClifRicard Man are on display at the museum, which sits in a wing of Meinster House, the Irish parliament.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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