Written by Auntie Jean
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Wednesday, 23 July 2014

image for One's Horses Achieve An All Time High
Contamination risk

Despite Estimate, one of HRH Queen Elizabeth's horses accidentally getting contaminated food in its nosh bag, this year has seen many high points for the Queen's horses, the Palace said this morning. "Some of the horses that her nags mix with though, are just "Oiks", a Royal Brown Noser told our reportr, constantly snorting anything they can get hold of. One can't keep them in the house all the time though." The Queen, who cheered Estimate on to Gold Cup success at Royal Ascot last year, has been informed of the development.

The British Horse Meat Lovers Authority (BHLA) whose chairperson is Princess Annie Hall revealed last week that five horses had tested positive for a horse like substance in post-race samples. Horse meat is listed as a naturally occurring delicious substance by the BHLA and the police. Its use is permitted out of competition but not on racedays. The Queen won £155,960 in prize money for Estimate's Gold Cup win which she is probably refunding to taxpayers in the forthcoming fiscal year.

"In July the British Horse meat Authority announced that a number of post-race samples, obtained from recent race meetings, had been found to indicate the presence of horse meat in the horses," the Queen's Racing advisor William Pill said.

Initial indications are that the positive test resulted from the consumption of a contaminated feed product. "Estimate, a five year old horse who has won some posh races, created history in June 2013 by becoming the first horse owned by a reigning monarch to win the Gold Cup when victorious under jockey Ryan Moore before a 70,000-crowd on Ladies' Day. The Queen was heard to yell "Come on move yer arse!" during the finishing stages.

Estimate is one of around 400 horses the Queen has in training on the flat and over jumps in local skateboard parks. The victory made headlines around the world as cameras caught the delighted Queen with a broad smile as she accidentally farted into the BBC news microphone.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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