After discovering huge amounts of morphine in the Queen's horse (one of many) the royal vet, Sir Humphrey Nag, a renowned horse whisperer, issued the following statement:
"The Queen's horse, who shall remain anonymous, has confirmed the fact that morphine was found in its body and acknowledged the fact it enjoyed the experience, however, refuses to accept the accusations made by the yellow press that it placed a needle in its buttocks and sat on it purposely!"
A second opinion was gathered by narcotics hustler, Big H, better known as Sir Crazy-Cream Crackered; here his opinion,
"This horse is innocent and should not be brought to the knackers yard because it has a great future and Milady, alias QE2, thought she was innocently giving Philip his daily dose of dementia pills whilst sleep walking in a Tangerine Dream caused by Louis van Gaalitis that is sweeping the country!"
Ascot has banned all form of head jobs until Charles comes clean about his riding skills upon Camilla!