Written by Patrick Parkinson
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Sunday, 20 July 2014

image for Former football pundit Alan Hansen appointed as new Defence Secretary

Prime Minister David Cameron announced this morning in London that former television pundit and Liverpool defender Alan Hansen has been appointed as the new Secretary of Defence.

"Alan has a history of making sure nothing slips past him. That worked for him when he won multiple titles with Liverpool FC and I'm sure he will transfer his skills over to the world of Military defence."

Hansen said he was "honoured to be given the job", he also stated he had spent the last few nights looking at old tapes of army military skirmishes and had noticed a lot needed to be improved to defend against terrorists.

"If you look at our defence of Basra back during the Iraq war, you would see that the defending in that instance was absolutely diabolical" he showed footage on screen of the battle "look at these soldiers - completely out of position, this guy he has lost his man and then they were hit on the counter attack by the Iraqi insurgents."

Hansen also said that he felt the current crop of soldiers coming through weren't as good as previous soldiers. "You look at the German, the French army they have talented soldiers in every area - we've just got a bunch of kids and you don't win wars with kids"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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