Written by Herrdoktorfox
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Tuesday, 15 July 2014

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Keeping London's streets safe!

In a last ditch attempt to totally wipe out Police credibility in the UK Scotland Yard is set to hire recruits with criminal convictions in a new drive to put 5,000 extra crooks on the street. Not any old crooks, but a large percentage of ethnic crooks as it will be nigh on impossible to fully vet any of these via CRB checks and besides which, who gives a shit anyway?

Top of the list will be ex-Gulag survivors hotly followed by ex-KGB thugs, all of whom will have a field day once they start to 'patrol' the streets of London, most of which will remind them of home once they start carving up what is left of it amongst themselves.

A spokesthingy for the Metropolitan Police, Cecil Peabody said; "Basically love, although we already have quite a few bent coppers most of the straight ones are so PC, no pun intended, that it's painful to watch them. Instead of putting the boot in most of them mince around all day or hid in Greggs if the going gets to tough.

Personally, I want to see a return to the good old days when we had burly butch lads in tight fitting uniforms and size ten boots who were not afraid to get their truncheons out and get stuck in! God, I have so many good memories of those nights in the staff canteen, it brings tears to my eyes, but enough about me."

With law and order all but vanished in the UK and punishment for wrongdoers being as effective as a chocolate soldier in a bonfire the hierarchy of the Met have all but given up.

A senior ranking Metropolitan Commander, who shall remain anonymous, went on to say, "Let's face it sunshine, basically when it comes to Policing, as anyone in the UK knew it, we are fucked! Me, myself and I have long since given up bothering and what with retirement a mere few months away I no longer give a toss. Me and the old woman will be pissing off to Oz after I retire to join the grandkids so the best of British luck, you are gonna need it!"

Commissioner Sir St Bernard Hogan-Howededoody said, imported constables who live in the hellhole known as London would have a "better understanding of local issues, how to take a crafty backhander and knowledge of local fiddles worth getting involved in…..we need great talent to help us appear to be fighting crime."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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