Written by Crunk
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Sunday, 13 July 2014

image for Airports fast track security for sex toys
Passenger groups are a-buzz at the new security measures.

Airports in the UK and US are now having to install express lanes for exhibitionists who pack adult toys in their hand luggage in the hope that they will be asked to 'prove they turn on'.

Security staff are exasperated at the number of passengers now packing recreational devices in their carry-on baggage. 'Really we thought this was a new form of insurgency, designed to spread terror among their fellow passengers or demoralise our staff. Now we realise it is a plot to get through security faster. We can usually spot these individuals based on their odd or suspicious behaviour, such as shouting 'Pick me! Pick me!' or lobbing their dildos into the trays with more exhuberance than is strictly called for.'

Budget airlines said to be causing the most concern, where charges for carry-on items have encouraged some passengers to wear things that they would otherwise have shoved into their bags.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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