The Home Secretary Theresa May has stunned her Westminster colleagues having unknowingly displayed her new 36DD breast implants to both the opposition and coalition party.
The normal comatose assembly of deadbeats, no hopers, kiddie fiddlers, expense dodgers and Machiavellian scumbags were suddenly, and unanimously animated at the sight of Tess's magnificent torpedoes which projected from her undersized thin blouse like a 3D IMAX movie.
Resident Parliamentary dwarf, nose picker and house speaker, the Right Honourable John 'is it free' Bercrow could barely control his erection as his trousers burst open sending a shower of gold plated fly buttons cascading down upon the Labour front benches!
Both Little Eddie Milipeed and Ed Ballsup were already crouched over with their trousers around their ankles, each masturbating like they were possessed. Meanwhile, Tess carried on warbling to the house seemingly oblivious of their actions having long since considered them to be a right pair of wanker's anyway.
Most of the Labour Party male back benches could be seen scrambling hell-for-leather for closer seats and slavering at the mouth in the process, while the female Labourites stared with open disbelief at 57 year old Theresa's truly spectacular orbs! As one female MP remarked, as she frantically crossed and uncrossed her legs, "dear god, what I'd give to suck those plums!"
Meanwhile, Theresa's jugs had not gone unnoticed by both, Do-nothing-Dave and Nick Clegghorn-Foghorn, after many years of staring at Tess's tight backside and fantasising about a drug fuelled 'threesome' both men were sporting massive erections. As indeed were most of the coalition party, with the notable exception of William 'vague' Hague who merely carried on reading his copy of QX Gay London magazine while dribbling over this month's centrespread.
As for elderly Vince 'the mince' Cable and the half dozen remaining Liberal Democrats, both he and equally geriatric MP Menzies Campbell were both stretchered out by the London Ambulance Service having prematurely ejaculated over Danny Alexander's suit! Both men were heard mumbling, "nipples as big as my thumb, did you see 'em, feckin' huge, feck, wimmin' tits, drink?"
As for Danny, despite stirrings in the swonnicle region he has yet be told what his penis is actually for other than for sucking on when he is stressed or short of any logical thought poor lad.
After finally completing yet another snooze inducing speech Therese was more than delighted at the standing ovation she received from all members present and has promised to start wearing micro miniskirts and see-through blouses from now on in order to sustain house interest in her constant daily waffling.