Written by Auntie Jean
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Monday, 7 July 2014

image for Scary Convicted Celebrity Haunted House Opens in Waxwork Museum
An actor in the new attraction

An extremely bad taste haunted walk attraction has opened in Madame Tossard's Chamber of Horrors in London. Having to compete with The London Dungeon and various other scary museums, Mme Tossard's has sexed up its act.

Mme Tossard, the C.E.O. told our horror correspondent: "The attraction prides itself with horrific special effects and dark artistic designs. The attraction works on the 'Jimmy Saville jumping out at you tactic'. Actors use the dark to intensify the effect, We had a trio of spare Rolf Harris waxworks in the music and entertainment displays but we've taken them all out and moved them to the Chamber of Horrors now alongside Dr. Crippen etc. Rolf will be springing up when the group least expect it.

Special rooms and passageways are designed to transfigure or disappear in an attempt to confuse the group. Paedophile celebrity wax models appear to chase you. Candles flicker persistently, often going out not leaving any light. A soundtrack is present throughout, sometimes featuring Jimmy Saville's recorded voice.

Claustrophobia also plays a great part in special effects. Rooms rotate, passageways narrow, there are scary rickety rope bridges and doors lock and unlock of their own accord."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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