Written by CaptainSausage

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Saturday, 5 July 2014

image for Welsh operations on the rise
Why not ask your doctor to make you Welsh?

It has become the most popular surgery in the UK, and is now widely available on the NHS, to the shock of tabloid editors all over the country. So why are we all having to fork out for Brits to have an operation to become Welsh?

Gryffythyth Thejones was born English (his birthname was Gary Johnson) but he never felt comfortable with his identity. He says that even at school, he knew that he was different from the other boys - for example, he was partial to leeks. As an adult he began dressing up as a Welshman, and soon he realised that it was his dream to become a Waleser. However, when he told his wife about it, she immediately left him in disgust. That gave him the courage he needed to go ahead with the Welshoplasty operation he had always wanted, funded by the UK taxpayer. Soon he will be moving to Pontypridd and joining a male voice choir.

Mr Thejones is only one of many examples of seemingly ordinary people having surgery to become Welsh. Editor of the Daily Rage, Harry Fury, was fuming. "I can't believe we have to pay these bleeding scroungers to become Welsh. They're only going to disappear to Wales, where we know nobody pays tax. It's a total waste of money if you ask me."

Welshoplasties are not the only operations on the rise in the UK. Another popular surgery is the Scotectomy, intended to remove all traces of Scottishness from the individual. This is also available on the NHS, but there are calls for it to be banned in Scotland if it becomes independent.

Harry Fury had plenty to say on the Scotectomy as well. "Those bleeding scrounging Scots, coming over here and having a Scotectomy so they blend in with us English. All paid for by the UK taxpayer. You couldn't make it up!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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