Back and to the Left news has discovered a money pot created via taxpayers to fund ex-Prime Ministers in their public duties. After laughing so hard that our false teeth fell out we realised we hadn't been in a coma for the best part of the year and it wasn't April the 1st.
Prime Ministers are allowed to claim up to £115K a year after they leave office, which is like allowing your ex-wife to turn up at your house every three months and take your TV.
The Uk's last "war monger who fucked us with a smile" (we're quoting ourselves here) Tony Blair, has managed to trouser £500k from this fund since he left office. We spoke to a ex-girlfriend of a ex-aided to the ex-PM.
Unfortunately she didn't have any useful information to give us, which was probably why no other news agency had interviewed her.
We found Mr Blair standing in the middle of his 400 acre estate somewhere in the South. To us every where's the same below Hull.
Tony said that he "didn't like to comment on things that made him look bad" and "could we please stop hiding in his bushes".
Since Back and to the Left news discovered the existence of what we'll tentatively call the "Fuck You England" fund. Aides for Mr Blair have contacted us to clarify the situation saying that the money went towards admin costs and that Mr Blair doesn't receive any personally.
That cleared things up for us and hopefully for you as well, we just wonder how he afforded that 200ft golden statue we saw him polishing. The diamond grin alone would have cost at least £75K.