Having been informed by her army of Doctors that she should 'ease' up on the numerous annual overseas holidays for fear of her long-term sidekick Phil the Greek either croaking or crapping himself midair, HRH Liz is becoming increasingly bored shitless stuck indoors every day and becoming increasingly more doddery as early 'old-timers' disease starts to bite
Unlike her numerous offspring and Grandchildren Liz has really never taken up any hobbies other than swearing at pint size jockeys when attending various race meetings and losing a wedge and merely sits in front of the TV 24/7 watching anything and everything.
On the other hand, Phil, when not having sexual intercourse with numerous Palace maids, fills out his days watching his various porno DVD collections, viewing Babestation late at night and spending long periods of time in the Palace crapper reading Nuts magazine.
Her son, Prince Chaz, when not plotting her assassination, can usually be found skulking around the Palace gardens chatting to the various plants or smoking home grown weed in the potting shed. Meanwhile, his over sexed spouse Camilla pays regular daily visits to assorted massage parlours in Soho in order to get her end away by way of assorted hairy Eastern European hunks willing to fulfil her every sexual desire.
Son Andy never calls in to see her anymore as he is far too busy circumnavigating the globe pursuing his non-stop tax-free holiday career and tracking down underage girls to play with in the Asian basin.
Daughter Anne whiles away her days impersonating horses, shovelling out the stables and advising Pantomime production staff on the correct movements of a pantomime horse/cow whatever.
Last but not least, Prince Edward-the wayward one- spends most of his days trawling Hampstead Heath trying to 'find himself' and was recently seen entertaining George Michael in the public conveniences with a rendition of, "Flash Bang Wallop" while his trousers were around his ankles. A spokesman for the Metropolitan Police declined Eddie's offer of two annual Theatre passes and duly gave him a wrap over the knuckles with his truncheon!
The numerous Royal offspring are loath to spend too much time with Liz due to the strong smell of urine prevailing throughout Buck House, but usually manage to pop in briefly once a week to collect their 50p pocket money from 'Gran'.
Having finally managed to figure out how to operate her SKY on demand Liz recently caught up with a highly enjoyable series entitled, "My name is Earl" which she assumed was a BBC Costume Drama relating to her ancestors. By the end of series 3 Liz was well and truly hooked, especially the idea of 'rewarding' people who she had met throughout the years-excluding those three rampant French matelot's she had 'entertained' one night during WW2.
Keeping it local and low keyed to start with Liz has recently purchased a helicopter from Toys-R-Us for her Grandson, Wills, as she knows how much enjoyment he gets from playing with his chopper. As for Kate, being aware of how 'lonely' her granddaughter gets when the 'ginger minger', Prince Haribo is away Liz has gifted her with a strip of Ever Ready batteries from Poundland in order that her Rampant Rabbit never lets her down.
During the ensuing weeks Liz hopes to while away her days splashing out gifts left, right and centre on those who have had the privilege of tugging their forelock in her presence over the years. It is hoped that this new found hobby will assist her dwindling memory and keep her on the throne for many more years….."GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!"