Written by Matt Brown
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Saturday, 21 June 2014

image for Man Loses Hands

Peter has lost his hands and needs help finding them! He has offered some thing or another for the return of the hands but we don't know for sure because the reward notice he's been sticking to lampposts with his head are completely indecipherable. There is a slim chance that the hands can be re-attached should they be found within the next 24 hours.

Earlier today Peter spoke of his disappointment at losing his hands. 'I've obviously been very attached to my hands for well, my whole life. They've help me reach places I never thought I could get to and feel things I've never felt before''.

Police have warned people not to take their dogs for a walk as the hands could be 'literally' anywhere and dogs do love to chew on things they find anywhere along their way so please keep them indoors. Also if you're a cannibal please just don't, they're not yours, he really needs them back. Would you like it if I chewed on your, oh, nevermind.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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