Written by Jack Allen
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Topics: Language

Sunday, 20 July 2014

image for You Alright? : Illegal To Repeat

The greeting "you alright?" has officially been made an illegal response to "you alright?"

The response, which has been widely accepted by morons across the country for decades, has now been made an illegal response because it makes no sense due to the original question not being answered in a proper fashion. Earlier, someone with an IQ over 12 said:

"I regularly try to ask my neighbour Jamie if he's "alright" and every time he asks me the same question back as if he hasn't heard me! If someone asked, "how was your day?" and you just repeated it back, you'd get a fucking slap! Yeah…fuck it! I'm off to slap that gimp now."

With this new law beginning next Tuesday, people like Jamie will be sent to a rehabilitation centre, wherein they will be forced to stay until they obtain the required standard of conversational skills. Whilst some members of the country have taken this issue seriously, Jeremy Clarkson has tweeted some of his 'approved responses' to '"you alright?"

"Not too bad. How's things with you?"(Middle class white men only).

"I'd be better if you made me a sandwich and stopped voting." (Women's response only)

"Fuck off. Just fuck right off."(Say this to anyone not the same race or background as you).

A majority of the country will slowly fade out the repetition of "you alright?", whilst the population of Yorkshire attempts to comprehend why the aforementioned responses, seemingly BBC approved, are not appropriate.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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