Written by queen mudder

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Topics: Royalty

Friday, 17 November 2006

image for Pretender's son and burly Highgrove pool-man on commemorative engagement plate
Plates - Memorable

Highgrove, Gloucestershire - (ReuterUs): Royal souvenir hunters were agog at today's news that the elder son of the Pretender to the Mountbatten Throne, Prince William, has commissioned a set of commemorative finger bowls, side dishes and traditional British Sunday roast stuffing plates announcing his forthcoming civil partnership with a hirsute Glaswegian body-building love-god and part-time Highgrove pool man called Colin.

The announcement sent shock-waves of froideur in Buckingham Palace where the Lord Chamberlain, Lord Luce-Cannon, was said to be frantically screening the news away from the Queen by upping her sciatica medication to the point of spark-out zombiness.

Meanwhile at Sandhurst Military Academy where the fledgeling wannabee Pretender-in-Waiting is a cadet, fellow trainees have organised a traditional whip-round collection to finance an eagerly-awaited hen-night party for the happy pair which is to be held at the Old Cock and Bull Inn at the nearby village of Pratt's Bottom.

And although no official date has been set for the seminal Royal nuptual event, the Spuds 'R' Us take-away chain has reportedly ordered several hundred thousand of the commemorative memorabilia dishes to give away in a customer promotion drive next January.

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