Written by Adrian Booth
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Monday, 26 May 2014

image for UKIP Win Historic Victory In European Elections; 90% of London Restaurants To Close

"The dream has become a reality"

"The penny has dropped"

"We are now the third force in British politics".

Champagne was pouring down the throats of UKIP members last night as a historic victory in the European elections boosted them by 11 MEPS to a grand total of 24.

The election result has led to reverberations across the country, particularly within the restaurant business. A Turkish kebab shop owner shared his views:

"I guess this means back to Istanbul. We've been serving dribbling, inebriated Englishmen at 3am every Saturday night for over 12 years now, and now there's pressure on us to leave".

It's not just Turkish kebab shop owners that are feeling the pressure; over 90% of London restaurants are operated by foreign owners. Indians, Italians, French, Brazilian, Chinese, Japanese, Argentinian, Korean and Moroccan all play their part in feeding the mouths of hungry British workers. One Indian restaurant owner described his feelings:

"I guess we'll have to take our deliciously appetising Lamb Biryani back to India. The English have sent a message that they're happy with their fish and chips".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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