Every school library in the country is currently being torn to shreds and replaced with thousands of Amazon Kindles that can only access books written by British authors.
The wet dream of both Amazon and Michael Gove has become a reality as workmen enter primary and secondary schools across the nation to smash down every bookshelf and more importantly seize every book written by non-British authors and send them "back to where they came from". Parents and teachers are heavily critical of the "slightly heavy-handed approach to altering the country and its identity" but have resigned themselves to the fact that they have no power to fight against the changes that are already in motion.
According to Michael Gove, this substantial shift in schools will give, "the future of this country the opportunity to study what we know they want to study. They've already got Russell Brand within A-Levels and now they can study and do exams on books by such literary gods as Ant 'N' Dec, Katie Price, Peter Kay, Chris Evans, Lady Gaga, Dan Brown and Ozzy Osborne, but not Michael Jackson. His books are shit."
Whilst every book ever published by a British author is available on the chipped Amazon Kindles brought into schools, loading times for Hachette publications have been reported as "cripplingly slow" and also strangely ask for an additional payment before reading. Whilst British authors have created some of the most compelling, popular and well-written books ever published, eliminating everything written by foreign authors has been labelled as "a tad UKIP" by critics across the country.