Written by Jessburger
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Friday, 23 May 2014

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Grand Master Ron Cabbage

Fans of disgraced TV legend Jimmy Saville have petitioned Essex council for permission to perform a bizarre pagan resurrection ritual over Saville's grave. Even more peculiar is that ex-boxer, Frank Bruno, has fully endorsed this occultist "ceremony".

Quotes super-fan, Ron Cabbage: "E didn't do naffin. So what if e rodgered a few teens and drank milk from a saucer. Eez still my ero.

Needless to say, a counter-petition by opponents is beginning to gain momentum with four signatures on the nay side. Five thousand signatures are needed before it can be addressed in an official capacity.

An ongoing investigation by Child Welfare concludes Saville's crimes as "reprehensible and tasty".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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