London - (Associated Mess): The mysteries of the crystal healing waters of the Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Fountain were revealed today at a Dead Sea Scrolls conference convened by the Royal Geographical Society, which has described how the Hype Park toilet seat-shaped water feature was modelled on pre-Christian era Qumrani facilities serving the sanitary needs of the ancient Essene cult.
The symbolic use of shallow pools of aimlessly swirling waters going round and round in ever murkier circles has always been attributed to a thoroughly British view of the late Princess's personality.
But complex architect's plans for the Qumran public facilities which have just been translated from the original Amharic tongue have been found to carry specific erection instructions based on sacred geometry tenets handed down from ancient Egyptian pubic health engineers.
These are repeated brick by brick and stone by stone in the Diana Memorial Fountain which has - spookily - been found to align with solar temple ley line sites around the Dead Sea, Chernobyl, Stone Henge, Rennes le Chateau and the lost city of the Incas at Machu Picchu to form a tantric glyph reminmiscent of the ancient Yoruba symbol for a question mark.
The London conference has heard that archaeological probings of the Qumran site found evidence of parasitic infestation mainly in the form of roundworms, tapeworms and pinworms - all human intestinal parasites.
"This is the sole difference with the Diana water feature", said a conference lecturer. "In Hype Park all the human parasites are non-intestinal and appear to be on the payroll of Tessa Jowl's Department for Vultures, Mediocrity and Spots."
The conference continues until tomorrow.