Written by El Capitaz
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Wednesday, 14 May 2014

image for Self Employed at Record High Levels
Two self-employed entrepreneurs ply their trade in the streets of London

Data from the Office for National Statistics (ONS) shows that self-employment is at a record high of 4 ½ million, helping push the overall jobless rate down to 6.8%

While the numbers look good on the surface, however, a poll reveals some disturbing details among those who claim to be self-employed.

15% described their self-employed profession as "Donation Solicitors Operating in a Non-Office Environment" (homeless beggar).

35% named their self-employed occupation as "Writer" (Facebook poster)

And a full 42% claimed their self-employed job consisted of "Royal Family Researcher" (Hacking into Kate Middleton's phone)

The remaining 8% appeared to be scattered among the more tradition jobs, such as financial adviser and handy man; however, disturbingly a full 2% described their occupation as "Jihadist".

A spokesperson for the Department for Work and Pension created a bit of a fuss when he announced that a 2% showing for 'Jihadist' was "Outstanding! That's a high-growth segment sure to keep growing and help keep pushing the overall unemployment rate down."

"Jihadist? Bloody Hell!" said Miles Cooper, a random man on the street, when asked his opinion of the results. "Where was the curriculum for that when I was a lad?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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