Written by Backandtotheleft
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Tuesday, 6 May 2014

image for Tonight There's Been A Jailbreak!
The UK. A Land Of Crime

England's prison system (which has long been described as Butlins with bars) has fucked up yet again. Back and to the Left news has never understood the point of having a open prison, isn't that just a hotel that you don't pay for? If we ran a open prison (we wouldn't, no one in their right mind would allow us to run a Government institution) we would only put very, very low grade criminals in there. People who had stole an onion or stood on a foxes tail, not proper crimes. One type of people we wouldn't put in a open prison would be an armed robber who is serving thirteen life sentences (yes you read that right) and has the nickname "The Skullcracker", which is a great name for a Skyrim character, but a fucking terrifying one for a criminal.

Mr Skullcracker walked out of his open prison whilst on day release and he is now on the run from the police. Said gentlemen shouldn't be too difficult to find though as he'll probably be riding a horse and swinging a battle axe as he tries to rob a bank.

Back and to the Left news does wonder what criteria it takes for a prisoner to get transferred to a open prison. Is it a promise that the felon wont try and escape? If we really think about it why would we trust a man with thirteen life sentences and who is nicknamed the Skullcracker? Why would you trust him not to break out of his prison at the first possible opportunity and go on a murder rampage? You wouldn't unless you were high on RAID fly spray.

A simple test for those of you at home would you let your kids be babysat by a bloke called Charlie Kidfucker? If your answer is "yes, yes I would" then congratulations you can work for the UKs prison system

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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